I’m the frame of the bicycle and he’s the wheel that carries the frame through suburban neighborhoods because he wants to make sure that I am protected by whiteness, and he feels about me how I feel about myself.
He called me nature. So maybe I’m not the frame of a bicycle. Maybe I’m nature and he’s the soil and the rain and the trees that feed me.
Breathe me, and he said it makes him laugh that he has to tell me how good I am. But he’s in London, and I’m in the past but we mistakenly concocted a connection that will always last and we reach out to each other and the Universe only wants to give us a chance to dance on our own.
And if I am nature, I’ll always find my way back to him, underneath his feet, kneeling before him and asking him - no, begging him to tell me what he wants because I love him and he wonders how someone like me can exist in the world. He looks at me as if to say, “Where did you come from?” And I love to feel special so it works out for the both of us.
My soul mates think I’m elegant. There’s a stillness about the forest that carries the word of God.
I asked so many questions.
I am his discovery.
He is my beacon.
Souls connect for a season because it’s the creation of something new.
It’s the coming together of two beings that I find to be true.
It’s the pavement beneath my ass that supports my weight - the weight of the world.
It’s hard to be silent. It’s easy to be loud.
I’m vomiting my brain flow onto this page because with this cyclical rage, I’m suppose to dig out a gem because magic because human beings are fantastic because I’m alive and well and have been because art because I’m a goddess mammal who farts.
The human experience is so fascinating.
We are significant in our insignificance and I believe that if I do everything in the name of the Universe, the sun will light my path when I need it to. The rain will cloud my judgment when I need it to. The stars will remind me how bright I can shine when I need them to. It’s all for me because I believe this to be true.
Nunca se lo dije pero cuando kamra, sentada en mi cama, empezó a cantar, pensé - quien es realmente está misteriosa chica que llena mi cuarto de nostalgia?
Oh my God. Oh my God. Do you know what ‘Oh my God’ means? The ‘Oh’ represents mindfulness. You say ‘Oh’ when something grabs your attention. The ‘my’ represents self - something that connects deep within your soul. It creates a gateway for your inner voice to rise up and be heard. And ‘God’? ‘God’ is that personal journey we all want to be on – a journey that makes us feel inspired and connected to the Universe that celebrates life. I say ‘Oh my God’ very often; not because I can’t find anything else to say but because my journey is ever evolving and I am ever changing and this life is ever so profound.
I was in India 8 days ago, and I feel like the experiences that I had there were meant for me. They were manifested specifically for me and no one else. I met this Irish man named James, and he changed me. I was constantly stared at, immersed in nature and challenged. I couldn’t walk alone at night, I had to wait for storms to pass and I had to be careful not to step on slugs. I acquired three leeches while in India, and these happenings barely scratch the surface of the reality that concocted itself underneath my moving feet. While I was in India I facilitated a workshop with a group of marginalized young girls called Adolescent Girls’ Education and Empowerment Program. For two days, we danced, laughed and talked about the things that made us feel most alive. I am still in the process of putting together a video of the workshop. My biggest hope is that I left a positive impression on the girls. Life POST-India is everything that it should be because it’s everything that I needed and wanted it to be.
When I landed in NYC, I was a mess. I was smelly, my feet were swollen, I was dehydrated and my throat was coarse. My ears felt like thirty fireflies nested inside of them. As I was coming down from my traveling high, all I wanted was a shower, some sleep and peace. I spent the night in Brooklyn with my amazing friend, Joshua Ruiz and we laughed and talked and he took care of me. I loved it. I rushed out of his house at 9:30AM, and hopped on the bus that dropped me off at the airport. I didn’t have a phone at the time, and I kind of just went for it. I had a lot of luggage and I was running through the airport like a wild woman. Of course the Universe took care of me and as soon as I trekked up to the Terminal, the shuttle pulls up and takes my bags. I made my way to Omega Teen Camp where, for the next five weeks, I would be immersed in love, light and the pursuit of spirituality. I haven’t laughed and cried this much in such a long time. I’m dancing, teaching, caring and inspiring. I live for this, and am so grateful to be here.
Every night in our cabins, we check in. One night we asked our girls to mention one thing that they learned. My camper Olivia Lee, a beautiful Asian teenager answered in the most straightforward and relevant way ever. She subtly said, “Well basically, what I learned today is – Honestly, sometimes – well basically, fuck the haters!”
I instantly fell to the ground in laughter. I was so astounded by her blunt response, and how connected she felt to her response. Omega Teen Camp is rocking my socks off. I am so enamored by this place and these people. It’s loud and chaotic and wild, but it’s also spiritual and comforting and warm. I’ve received more love and acceptance in the past three weeks than I have in the past 6 months. I love my campers so much! On my nights off, I bring back gifts for them and they love it! I love making them happy. It feeds my soul. The girls I had last session just left, and I am lucky enough to be able to keep two of them for next session. While I was away, the girls made a Gratitude video, and every time I am feeling down, I think of that video. I’ve never felt so appreciated in my entire life. Words do no justice in describing what Omega Teen Camp has done for my life. It’s a story that is felt, not told.
Reconnecting with Lauren Hanh has been sort of a cosmic experience. I don’t know. I feel connected to her in a way that I don’t feel connected to most human beings. I wept like a baby when I explained how much she inspires me. It’s really unbelievable. I feel like most people in my life rely on me, but Lauren is the first person, in a long time, who makes me feel like I can fully depend on her. She’s my sister. I love her.
Working with Aaron and Sara has been a dream come true. I always knew that Sara and I were kindred souls, but working at OTC has allowed us to connect more personally. I am sure I am now making more sense to her and she is also making sense to me. I love her so much. We are both Virgos. She’s so soft and beautiful and quirky and funny, just like me. We are both the same in a lot of ways, and I really enjoy that.
I’ve never felt happier than I do now. My now is my everything and while I am constantly wondering where my life will take me, I’m so blessed to be where I am. I’m such a happy adult baby. I’m constantly falling in love, constantly in nature and basking in the sun and just enjoying this little human life that I have.
Love without trust is a river without water, and my trust in the Universe has cultivated a life that is worry free and happy. People look at me like I am crazy when I tell them that I love the good parts of life as much as I love the bad parts of life, but I do. And it’s working for me. I just registered for my senior year of college, and I will also be working as a success coach for freshmen. This next year is a year for new goals, opportunities, relationships and happiness. I’m going to apply to Harvard, publish a song on iTunes and make bank via Young Living Essential Oils. What are your plans?